who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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