I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
