am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
