did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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