Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
