I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
