Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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