I just pynch a tree in the face
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
