R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
