Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
