The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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