I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
