Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
