I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
