My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My pussy is not your playground.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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