it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
