Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
