Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
