Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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