i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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