and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
