My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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