Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
