I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
