ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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