I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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