Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize