get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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