my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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