I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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