I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
