It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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