im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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