just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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