Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i've created a new STD.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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