I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
