hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
