You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
