is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wat bout pragnant strippers??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
