Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The best revenge is premature balding
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
