I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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