Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
