I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
