my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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