i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
