I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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