we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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