Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
