I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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