put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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