You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
