my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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