So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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