Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
