My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
