She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know her cup size but not her name....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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