This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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