She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
