Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
