Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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