Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
