I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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