thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
