I've blown a few things in my day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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