On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
