There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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