I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
