the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
