my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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