I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
