how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
