Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
