I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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