I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
