how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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