Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
