The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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