Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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