well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
