Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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