First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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