I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
