I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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